Feedback – WHEN is a good time?

Imagine that you get no feedback whatsoever. You would say something to people and they wouldn’t respond. No nodding, no smiling, no frowning, no acknowledging. Nothing. Wouldn’t that feel awful? I hope we agree that feedback is important. Otherwise, how would we know what impact we are making on people around us?

If you ask people what they think about feedback, you get mixed responses, especially when it relates to negative feedback (sure, we can call it “constructive”, but you know what I’m talking about). The one thing that people tend to agree on is the importance of the right timing. When is it the right time to give feedback and when isn’t it?

It’s not a good time when…

• An idea is young in the process. It may not be ready for feedback yet. During creative explorations, people have to feel the freedom to think and do. Let them figure out what works and what doesn’t.
• Your motivation to give feedback is to gain something. Is your goal to get the person on your side? Maybe you want to gather supporters against his ideas. Watch for your motives.
• You are in the heat of the moment. Are you reacting to feeling hurt, embarrassed, or betrayed? Take some time to cool down. There is always time to provide feedback later.
• You are not alone. Do others really need to hear this? Think of what impact it may have on them and on the person you are providing the feedback to if it’s done in a public setting.

It is a great time when…

• Something very specific about the person impacted you personally (positively or negatively). Let them know as soon as possible, while they still have a connection to what happened.
• You really care about the person and feel compassionate about him or her. Can you honestly feel in your gut that you have their best interests in mind?
• They are asking for it. Find out what they want to learn from your feedback and stick to their goal. It’s a privilege to be asked for feedback.

Of course, these are just guidelines. Providing feedback, like any communication, is complex and there is a lot of “it depends” aspects. My goal here was to raise the awareness and make us think a little about the timing of the feedback. What do you think? I’d like to hear from you. Next week I’ll write about the HOW – the ways to give and receive feedback.