Feedback - HOW to give it

In my last post Feedback – WHEN is a good time? I focused on the right timing of the feedback. Let’s take a look at the ways to give and not to give feedback.

Let’s remember that by providing feedback, we let other people know how their actions (or the lack of them) impact people around. The goal is to reinforce or redirect the performance of another person.

• Take an ownership
  Tell the other person how it impacts you. Don’t say, “Well, I’m hearing from others that you…” If you ever get complains from others about someone else, empower them to provide feedback directly. And this goes for both positive and negative feedback. Providing it directly makes it real.
• Make it specific
  Avoid “you always” or “you never”. Tell a story that the other person can recall vividly. Abstract feedback is not very actionable. It can go like this: WHAT – WHEN - IMPACT
• Separate feedback from opinions.
  It’s very easy to slip into assumptions and beliefs, so keep it about the behavior.

Here are some examples:

• Opinion based on my beliefs and values:
  “You are so rude and clearly have no respect for co-workers.”
• Opinion based on my assumptions and attitudes:
  “You always remember how important it is to be cheerful and encouraging to everyone.”
• Feedback about the observed behavior:
  “In the meeting yesterday when you interrupted me, I felt like you had no interest in what I was saying.“
  “In the call this morning, when you encouraged different points of view and listened to others, I felt you demonstrated leadership qualities and respect for your team members.”

Recently, I saw a feedback form that I really liked. It was at my daughter’s school and the audience was supposed to provide feedback on video projects that the students put together. The form had 2 lines to fill out:

• I liked…
• I wonder….

The second line challenges you to change your criticism into curiosity. Telling what I don’t like creates a separation. But we can be curious together. What do you think?